Never in my most wonderful of dreams did I imagine a movie would be able to top the excessive violence and utterly laughable amount of gore contained within ‘The Machine Girl‘. Well, it appears we have a new heir to the throne of the supreme Japanese goreflick… and judging from the trailer, I don’t think any Machine Girl fan will be disappointed in the least. This movie is called ‘Tokyo Gore Police‘, and it will kick your fucking teeth in right before cutting your face clean off with it’s superfluous uncensored awesomeness.

Set in futuristic Tokyo, the film’s story follows Ruka, a sword-wielding police officer, as she battles hideous mutants known as “Engineers” who are able to transform their bodies into virulent weapons. Oh, hell yes. From the looks of the trailer, we’ll be treated to a number of these freakish “Engineers”, from a revolting snailgirl to a blade-limbed breakdancer and a chick with a T-Rex vagina. Come on… what else could you ask for in a movie aside from a chick with a monstrous, carnivorous head for a lower body? Oh, 10,000 gallons of fake blood, you say? Well, holy hell, you’re in luck! It doesn’t look like that will pose much of a problem as the trailer alone is bloodier than most full-length films.

‘Tokyo Gore Police‘ has been shown at a number of conventions over the past few months resulting in quite a few glowing reviews, and it will be hitting U.S. DVD shelves this October thanks to Media Blaster/Tokyo Shock, the same folks who brought us Machine Girl. Who’s up for a movie night this Halloween?

Check out the trailer below:

More info: ‘Tokyo Gore Police’ @ IMDB.com

RECAP: I’ve been collection all of the movie tickets for every movie I’ve seen in the theater for the last 11 years. A few weeks ago, I decided to take all of the information on these tickets and create a spreadsheet to find out exactly how much money and time I’ve spent on going to the theater. For a full description of what this madness is all about, check out this previous post.

Well, the results are in! I’ve successfully tabulated all of the movie tickets in my collection, the first of which dated all the way back to April 11, 1997. It was long, monotonous, boring work, but damn it, it was something that needed to be done. I’m sure I missed a few tickets here and there throughout the years, but this certainly paints a pretty clear picture of my theater-attending habits. Here are some of the results:

Number of Movies Seen: 258
Total Spent on Movies: $1,602.25
Total Amount of Time: 498 Hours 39 Minutes

Okay, now let’s break this down. 258 movies means I’ve essentially seen a movie every other week for more than the last decade and during that time I’ve spent nearly 500 hours watching them. Dizamn. That’s nearly 21 straight days spent in a theater seat being bathed and in the majestic glow of a movie screen… which is roughly 2 straight days a year. Mind you, this doesn’t include any time watching previews, though more often than not, that can be offset by the fact that I didn’t sit through the full credits on most of the flicks on the list. Then we have the fact that the $1,600 figure doesn’t include the thousands I’ve spent on concessions while seeing these movies… as any proper film-fanatic would agree, popcorn is absolutely required to properly view a movie in the theater.

Here are some more interesting facts I established while making my list:

Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Billy Crudup, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Malin Akerman, Jackie Earle Haley
Release Date: March 6, 2009

First seeing the trailer for the upcoming “Watchmen” adaptation on IMAX was nearly the most awe-inspiring moment I’ve ever experienced in the theater (aside from the two and half hours of brilliance proceeding it that was Dark Knight of course). I could feel the hairs on my arm raise as we got a glimpse of Dr. Osterman being vaporized and I could barely keep my mouth from hanging agape as scene after scene of epic asskickage was endlessly thrown at my eyeballs. A remixed version of The Smashing Pumpkins’ “The End is the Beginning is the End” gives this trailer the absolute perfect tone… and interestingly enough, though not very surprising, the sale of that song has boomed quite a bit on iTunes since the trailer’s debut on Friday. Hopefully future generations will remember that particular tune from this movie instead of the flick it was originally recorded for: “Batman & Robin”… because I have to say, if this trailer is any indication, we’re in for a hell of a good time when this movie drops next March.

Directed by: John Moore
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Beau Bridges & Chris O’Donnell
Release Date: October 17, 2008

Face it, Wahlberg is always at his best when he’s playing the badass. Four Brothers, The Departed, We Own the Night, Shooter, The Italian Job, Fear… the list goes on. I’m extremely glad to see his only performance in 2008 won’t be his horrendous bout as nice-guy science teach, Elliot Moore, in The Happening. Max Payne looks to be just the thing to restore my faith in Marky Mark’s ability to kick some ass and act at a level higher than a junior high drama student.

Based on the video game series, Max Payne will follow DEA Agent, Max Payne (played by Mark Wahlberg of course) as he tries to solve a series of murders in New York City while unraveling the conspiracy behind the death of his family. Helping him along the way is assassin Mona Sax (Mila Kunis) who’s on a mission to avenge her sister’s death… all while being hunted by the police, the mob, and a ruthless corporation (thanks IMDB!). Expect a gratuitous multitude of blazing guns, slow motion explosions, trippy drug-induced hallucinations, and a dash of mystery and suspense to round out that “plot” thing people are always talking about. Hell, it sounds like a good time to me.

I’m a huge theater buff. Even with a few shitty experiences here and there throughout the years, I still love going to the movie theater to enjoy a good flick with a crowd of interesting and often strange individuals (oh, and some friends too I suppose). A good comedy just seems so much funnier when you can laugh at it with a darkened room full of complete strangers, and the excitement and suspense of a good adventure flick simply feels heightened when you can oogle everything on a seventy-foot screen. So, let’s just say I spend many of my Friday nights enjoying the smell of popcorn and the bright glow of a movie screen.

This leads me to the main point of my little story here. I go to a ton of movies… and out of a somewhat compulsive habit, I’ve never purposefully thrown away a movie ticket stub. I save them… all of them. And I’ve been doing this for nearly 11 years. Now, some may say that this is an insane thing to do. “Why would you save those?” these visionless people would say. “What will you do with them? What’s the point?” Well, this weekend I realized exactly what the point of my strange addiction is.

I’m currently working to compile a list containing the name, date, time and price of every movie ticket in my collection? Why, you ask? To find out exactly how much of my hard-earned money I’ve spent on the theater in the last decade, of course! Not to mention plot the increase of ticket prices over the last 11 years or so using real world data and oh so much more!

So check back soon for an interesting look into where much of my monthly paycheck goes! And if I’m not the only one with this ticket-packrat mentality, feel free to let me know in the comments.

EDIT (07-10-08): I’ve decided to add runtimes for each movie as well (as listed by IMDB) to see how much time I’ve spent in a theater absorbing the warm, soothing glow of a movie screen.

UPDATE (07-12-08): My list has been completed and I’ll be posting the results shortly!

UPDATE (07-24-08): Holy shit, the results have been posted! Check ‘em out here.